embracing failure

recently, i realised that more often than not, i shun away from failure..

meaning, if i am not confident that i can do something reasonable well, i will try to avoid it so i will not need to accept that i fail.. (in case i fail)

this realisation came while i'm doing my pet project backtesting my ideologies of how to trade profitably in the stock market..

you see, the journey has been a tough one. i've invested so much time and effort into it but the results are still not to my satisfactory.

so you go on what seems to be an endless loop:  evaluate, refine, backtest. evaluate, refine, backtest.. the process is tiring, repetitive and frustrating.

i realised that sometimes, after evaluating and getting the idea of how i am going to refine, i procrastinated to do the backtesting..

fearing that it will turn out to be another set of disappointing results. worrying that it is another failure..

and when i am dishearten,  i sometimes wonder if i'm chasing for the "impossible". Every strategies has it own sets of strength and weakness and it is impossible to eliminate them all..

i struggle internally all the time..

i am changing myself to embrace failure.. and like what thomas edison said "i haven't fail, i just found 10,000 ways that won't work"