Its Been Long

Its been so long since i posted something here

things you probably never see again

i just realised that i've lost my canon s120 camera and probably wont get to see it again.

the irritating thing is that it was a recent purchase only about 6 months ago.

as much as i like to think that it isn't a big deal, it is hard to forgive myself for such silly carelessness.

i am not one who forgives myself easily. i tend to forgive others more than myself...


i came to realised that it seems like i cant handle 2 camera at one go. the previous time while on the "escape from the conspiracy" race, i almost lost the same camera by leaving it on the floor. Luckily, my teammates saw it and grab the camera for me.

it looks like a close shave but wasn't a big enough lesson for learning yet.

i need a better system keeping track of where my camera are while shooting. also, never be complacent by leaving thing around. always keep them after using.


well, the consolation here is that i only lost a material thing throughout the whole experience. no doubt it cost a few hundred bucks (which pains me considering how i am saving up for my future plans) but they are things far more valuable than this. like family, friendship, happiness, freedom etc.

it is a timely reminder on how it feels like to loose something unexpectedly and always remembering to treasure what you have..

supporting the underdogs

According to wikipedia, an "underdog" is a person or group in a competition who is popularly expected to lose.

It has always been a habit of mine that if i do not have a particular team to support while watching sports, i'll support the underdogs.

I like to see underdogs giving all they have got, capitalising on their opportunities and winning the game. Even if they don't win, putting up a good fight is good enough.

I have always felt like i am an underdog. I ain't smart or can think quick enough. I'm bad at speaking and in languages. I'm horrible at numbers and memory. When i was in primary school, i just don't get what is being taught in class despite paying attention. Many of my peers said taking PSLE was a breeze. Not for me, i made my parents worried sick that i may retain. I just felt like i was a dumb kid and of course, didn't like school very much. 

I am lucky and thankful that my parents did not gave me too much stress. I remember them saying that you just need to try your best. All they wanted was I spent more time studying, and i soon realised that i am studying more hours on average than my peers. My parent's believed that you can always work harder when you are not the brightest. 

Looking back and seeing how the dots linked up, this experience is a big deal for me and possibility a life changer. It made me learn the importance of working hard. 

Shower Talk

I find myself often in this situation. I can't remember if I have shampoo myself halfway through showering.

It's funny, and I amuse myself that how can I totally not remember the actions that I've done.

Taking a shower is a form of relaxation. With water running down from your head, then to the body and then flowing down to the floor, it feels like the water washes off the stress and tense feeling you had for the day. 

I often get out of the shower room feeling more refresh, happier and calm. 

Sometimes, when I'm lucky, I get inspirational thoughts while showering. I am able to think through thoughts stuck in my head. Getting enlightenment in the bathroom. 

did it touch your heart?

film making is about story telling.

i just did my first video attempt telling a story. the story i've chosen is about hiking which has been something close to my heart.

the whole process was tedious. from writing the outline of the story to finding suitable materials to recording the voice over for the narration...

oh ya, the narration was the most challenging aspect... i had so much insecurity about it. i question myself things like: how do i sound? is it unnatural? why is my voice like that? do i need a better microphone? and so on so on.

in the end, i went with the hack it attitude. i did not feel like spending more money buying a microphone and literally record the voice over using my handphone voice recording function.

facing my insecurities, i keep reminding myself that it is the story that truly matters. the most important question is: did my film touch your heart?

the below film did...

embracing failure

recently, i realised that more often than not, i shun away from failure..

meaning, if i am not confident that i can do something reasonable well, i will try to avoid it so i will not need to accept that i fail.. (in case i fail)

this realisation came while i'm doing my pet project backtesting my ideologies of how to trade profitably in the stock market..

you see, the journey has been a tough one. i've invested so much time and effort into it but the results are still not to my satisfactory.

so you go on what seems to be an endless loop:  evaluate, refine, backtest. evaluate, refine, backtest.. the process is tiring, repetitive and frustrating.

i realised that sometimes, after evaluating and getting the idea of how i am going to refine, i procrastinated to do the backtesting..

fearing that it will turn out to be another set of disappointing results. worrying that it is another failure..

and when i am dishearten,  i sometimes wonder if i'm chasing for the "impossible". Every strategies has it own sets of strength and weakness and it is impossible to eliminate them all..

i struggle internally all the time..

i am changing myself to embrace failure.. and like what thomas edison said "i haven't fail, i just found 10,000 ways that won't work" 

i don fit well into society

with my extreme and weird interest in things, together with my introvert character, i find myself in many situation where i find i have no common topic to talk about..

you see, the common topic people chat about..

1. food (i am not a fan of food hunting, at least not in singapore. homecook is the best)

2. soccer (or any sports in general. i love sports and love seeing how underdog teams grab they opportunities and outperform, but you see, i don really follow the sports news closely. )

3. drama (i seldom watch tv or shows nowadays. the last tv-series was how i met your mother. i prefer to watch things with strong content)

4. drinking / clubbing (i nv club for years, and drinking is always about the company, not about visiting the most hippy and happening places)

5. games (i only play idiot proof games nowadays, which i just happen to delete them away )

6. shopping (my mom taught me well, only to buy things i need, and curb the urge to buy things i want. also, as i'm working towards a nomad lifestyle, i don need lots of things. less is actually more)

7. gossips (i don follow celebrity news, unless i find them inspiring. i don remember their names, what show they starred in and their latest rumours. by nature, not a very gossipy person)

8. reading (i have huge difficulties finishing a fiction book. i prefer self help than fiction, but people seldom discuss about self help. recently, i realised i kind of like to read biography of inspiring people)

9. movies (haha.. i seriously cant name a movie showing in theatres now. somehow, don know since went, i stop following up on what new this week in the movies, as most movies content are plain crap. but i believe, this is something i can work on)

10. music (i lost touch ever since i started working, as i have little to no time to listen to radio. i know, this i can work on)


and last but not least, Travelling.

my form of travelling is kind of different from the majority. to me, anything crowded means the place has lost it favour.

while for many, the form of traveling may be to go shopping or visit iconic landmarks (i do make exception to go visit the must-go-and-see landmarks), my form of a holiday is about adventuring and escaping to nature..

its is always easier to sink into the vast nature and admire and appreciate the small little thing and company we are so fortunate to have. but when it comes to the iconic landmarks, it more like photo-taking for bragging rights.. i don feel i "got it" much...

so as always, when i try to tell my adventurers stories, people turn and give me a glare with a disapproving look staring back at me..


sometimes, i really feel i don fit well in society...